Friday, January 8, 2010


One thing I have been learning this year is to accept impermanence as much as possible. Impermanence means that nothing ever stays the same. We age, we live, we marry, we divorce, we suffer, and we laugh and we die. Impermanence is the only thing we can really count on in the universe. I think life for most of us would be easier if we were explained this concept as children that nothing ever stays the same. We often believe that our body is who we are. I really believe in my heart of hearts that my body is just a host to my spirit. Its hard to imagine for most of us that we do exist beyond the material world. Sure, most of us have an idea of heaven being in the sky above with fluffy clouds and pearly gates but what is heaven to you?

Heaven is all around us. I suppose it could be a parallel universe or another dimension, but I strongly feel our loved ones who have died are always around us. I think if we learn to overcome our fear of death and dying we can live more fully. We are born to die. We are spirits having a human experience. It is so important not to be afraid of death but to respect it instead. I have lost people in my life and I still ache for the too. Death is not the same for any of us. Grief is intensely private and personal.

Both of my Grandfatherss died the summer I was eleven. They died within two weeks of one another. At the request of my Grandmother I was not allowed to see my Grandfather in his casket. Adults often fear children cannot handle pain and feel they will be traumatized by seeing a dead body. It is a hard call for parents. I had no sense of closure with my Grandpa. I kept having dreams that he was really alive, and everyone did not know it. I can see now that they were symbollic dreams because his soul really did not die. It was terrible at the time though.

My mothers best friend died two years ago. She was like a second mother to me and I loved her with all my heart. Her Grandson was 5 and my daughter was four at the time. She was in the casket and the room was so silent with grief. Her grandson and my daughter walked up to the casket and touched her hair, nose, and fingers. Cole said to my daughter, "Shes not in there anymore. Her little heart just couldnt take it anymore." My daughter Delanie asked him, "Did you see her wings they are really big?" Cole answered her, "Yeah, I saw them." They put their hands on her forehead and cheek and did not shed a tear. They were amazingly okay with death.

There is a tribe of Native Americans in Florida who would be very quiet and respectful at birth, it was not considered a celebration. They believed the soul took a great sacrifice to be born to leave a place of peace. They celebrated funerals instead knowing their loved one was happy and at peace. Until the middle part of our century many parents lost their children to diseases. Many children knew playmates that had died. Wakes were often held in the homes of families. We as a modern society have sterilized death. Medicine has advanced so much that our infant mortality rate in the US is exceptionally low. We see it as the absolute worst fate in life. We are terrified that the people we love so much will never be with us again. It is a natural fear. I see so many people who have lost their children, spouses, and friends. Death is never easy and all too often devastating. Our love for those we have lost never goes away and there is not a cure in the universe for that heartache.

What do you want people to feel or act upon your death? How do you plan to get in touch with your loved ones from the other side? Will you have a symbol or a codeword? Will you be a smell or a sound, maybe even take form of an animal? Its an odd thought that we never have a plan to contact those after we die. Its food for thought. I think having an open dialog with family members about death as unpleasant a subject as it is, is a beginning. Ask yourself what scares you about death. Why is dieing such taboo a subject? Even if you are an atheist and believe that when you die you are just dead and gone, how is that frightening? Not to exist is a void. If I did not believe in existence of the soul after death Id still be working in television. Our purpose in life is to realize we exist beyond the material plane. Everything in life has a cycle of birth, death, and transition so then why not humans?

I think death though should be talked about. Helping people cross over at the end of their life is just as important as helping people be born. Death is not something shameful, ugly or unnatural. It is a part of life. No one ultimately knows why we check out when we do, or when we will die. It could be in five minutes or in sixty years. Humans dont like change we are creatures of habit and safety.

Impermanence means that everything in life is constantly changing. Nothing ever stays the same no matter what. I encourage you to read about different religious beliefs on death, cultural and historical documents about death, read about near death experiences and mediums. Decide for yourself how you view your God Source and death. Respect death but dont fear death. Realize that you indeed are a powerful spiritual being. You exist beyond your body. Energy never dies it only changes form. Just a few thoughts this week. Be well.


  1. Very beautiful and well said. My friend lost her mother over the summer and I would go to hospice and help her with the children. Her daughter who was 7 looked at me while playing in the fountain with her brothers and said "I don't know why she is still here. Her body does not even work anymore. I hope she goes soon so she can play again." I was soooooooooo amazed by this statement and have to say was very moved that these beautiful children were waiting for their grandmother to pass, but still able to play, see beauty and be so amazingly wise.

  2. Because there is an infinite there is always impermanence. The skin on our body falls off, hair falls out, new skin grows, and new hair grows. The chair we sit on changes form: molecules and atoms within the chair re-arrange and bounce. Even if we don’t see the appearance of the chair changing it is still happening. So it is with ideals, supply life, etc. Manna comes to us as an idea, tool, and supply(whatever). It is impermanent though and can not be held as a source. We must understand that all these things fade and are replaced immediately with new and fresh ideas, supply etc. The only way to not experience impermanence is to hold on to that idea, supply person etc. Impermanence still happens but we miss the actual treasure of that law.
    So it goes that appearance is actually impermanence: be it cancer, death, person etc. It an idea brought into existence. The truth is there is an infinite power (the only power)that exists and changes so quickly that if one were to form an opinion of what they are really seeing it would be an old idea or concept.
    The reason being it is not the appearance that provides but that which formed the appearance is the source.