Monday, February 15, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Jealousy, fame and shoe throwing.
Thich Nhat Hanh was once quoted saying, “When you understand the situation of the other person, when you understand the nature of suffering, anger will vanish, because it is transformed into compassion.”
I have been trying to remember that this week. When we are unhappy or not satisfied with an aspect of ourselves we can hurt another. Everyone suffers, we all suffer differently. It’s hard to remain spiritual when you misinterpret others, their words, actions or comments that you perceive as a slight. As I write this blog thousands of people are suffering around the world from earthquakes, war, disease and personal loss. It’s almost an embarrassment to admit that something like words can make you narrow your eyes and want to fight with a shoe in a ladies bathroom.
I know that I cannot take anything personally in life. I know that people try consciously and unconsciously to project their thoughts, beliefs and morals to make themselves feel better, but sometimes I just want to flip someone off. I try and picture the Dalai Lama or the Pope doing the same and somehow I just wonder if they have better restraint than I? Maybe, they just don’t frequent women’s restrooms.
Rumi the great Persian poet wrote one of my favorite lines, “Don't turn away. Keep looking at that bandaged place. That's where the light enters you.” Well, I think this week I have been hemorrhaging and if I look at that spot, I might just get blinded by the light. I have so much to be thankful for, I have so many wonderful things to meditate upon and instead I got hooked into my addiction of judgment.
I think I long to be liked and accepted, we all do. I have finally learned to like myself. Every now and then I have what my friend Gladys calls, “a blue funk.” It usually stems from me feeling that I am flawed and when someone pokes at my bandaged place I want to poke them in the eyes. In my rational brain I understand that we operate by cause and effect, we are like lab rats emotionally. I understand why people suffer, I understand why I suffer. I just hate to admit that I am also human and have not tamed my mind.
My shoe throwing, eye poking incident was rooted in me feeling a need to defend who I am and my actions. I never did throw the shoe or poke anyone in the eyes, it was a short lived thought thankfully. I am sure as time goes on with the show being on the air that I will be blogged about as being a fake, a charlatan, a moron and a crazed lunatic, conversely though I will have my friends telling me that I am a size two, amazing and all around groovy gal. It really shouldn’t matter though what other people think about me, good or bad. I know who I am better than anyone. I know what motivates me to react or not react. I know who I am and I like myself as is. I always tell people that other people’s opinions of me are none of my business, but it is difficult if you’re in a blue funk or a place of judgment.
My incident this last week started with another person not feeling sure of herself, and because of that I was seen as a threat. Her misplaced jealously poked my bandaged place and I reacted by having hurt feelings and allowed myself to feel victimized. In retrospect as I write this I am rolling my eyes at myself. I knew better, but I still took the bait. Jealousy is a toxic weed and should be eradicated before it chokes the life out of everything in its path.
One of my dear friends suffers from a huge lack of self worth and needs to feel the positive attention of others to gauge that he is moving in the right direction. Admiration and attention from others make him feel whole. The trap in this of course is that you allow others to tell you who you are. When we are telling ourselves who we are through the eyes of another we tread in dangerous waters. When we don’t receive what we need from others we have a tendency to become jealous and resentful when we see others getting what we want. I have often thought jealousy and an inability to have intimacy in relationships are often linked. Learning to trust is usually the antidote for jealousy.
Usually when we avoid intimacy it isn’t because of a parent or partner not loving us, it’s because we fundamentally feel that we are unlovable. We get it in our head that intimacy is unsafe for our fragile heart. When we get into that mode it’s hard to see that in order to be loved that we must first love ourselves. Jealousy creates a wall that oddly enough prevents us from what we crave more than anything. It is a primal emotion. It makes us feel inadequate, it causes feelings of shame, and we obsess then about what others think about us. Not having the approval of others when you live your life based upon that can be emotionally devastating.
When we don’t like ourselves we find comfort in deflating, criticizing and putting others down to feel better about our current circumstances. It’s easy to sit behind the anonymity of a computer screen to blast complete strangers, or write off people as lunatics. I am guilty of this myself as I had to contain myself from posting about Pat Robertson comments saying the people of Haiti were victims of a curse caused by slaves having a pact with the devil in 1791. I am sure he is a nice person and has done many amazing things for people. I know he loves his family and his family loves him. I know he believes in what he says. I personally just can’t stop thinking he needs a formal education and a clue.
People will think what they want as they will regardless of what I think or you think. You can only control the human body that you were born into. Soften your heart when someone insults you is what I learned this week. It’s easier than unbuckling a four inch heel anyway. Remember you have to generate enough self love not to crave the attention of others. When you are hurt, try not to hurt another and if you have to flip someone off do it with a smile.
It’s not easy to be a spiritual warrior. I know this. A great reference book to read is “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. You might also enjoy the companion book with exercises to help you on your journey.
I have been trying to remember that this week. When we are unhappy or not satisfied with an aspect of ourselves we can hurt another. Everyone suffers, we all suffer differently. It’s hard to remain spiritual when you misinterpret others, their words, actions or comments that you perceive as a slight. As I write this blog thousands of people are suffering around the world from earthquakes, war, disease and personal loss. It’s almost an embarrassment to admit that something like words can make you narrow your eyes and want to fight with a shoe in a ladies bathroom.
I know that I cannot take anything personally in life. I know that people try consciously and unconsciously to project their thoughts, beliefs and morals to make themselves feel better, but sometimes I just want to flip someone off. I try and picture the Dalai Lama or the Pope doing the same and somehow I just wonder if they have better restraint than I? Maybe, they just don’t frequent women’s restrooms.
Rumi the great Persian poet wrote one of my favorite lines, “Don't turn away. Keep looking at that bandaged place. That's where the light enters you.” Well, I think this week I have been hemorrhaging and if I look at that spot, I might just get blinded by the light. I have so much to be thankful for, I have so many wonderful things to meditate upon and instead I got hooked into my addiction of judgment.
I think I long to be liked and accepted, we all do. I have finally learned to like myself. Every now and then I have what my friend Gladys calls, “a blue funk.” It usually stems from me feeling that I am flawed and when someone pokes at my bandaged place I want to poke them in the eyes. In my rational brain I understand that we operate by cause and effect, we are like lab rats emotionally. I understand why people suffer, I understand why I suffer. I just hate to admit that I am also human and have not tamed my mind.
My shoe throwing, eye poking incident was rooted in me feeling a need to defend who I am and my actions. I never did throw the shoe or poke anyone in the eyes, it was a short lived thought thankfully. I am sure as time goes on with the show being on the air that I will be blogged about as being a fake, a charlatan, a moron and a crazed lunatic, conversely though I will have my friends telling me that I am a size two, amazing and all around groovy gal. It really shouldn’t matter though what other people think about me, good or bad. I know who I am better than anyone. I know what motivates me to react or not react. I know who I am and I like myself as is. I always tell people that other people’s opinions of me are none of my business, but it is difficult if you’re in a blue funk or a place of judgment.
My incident this last week started with another person not feeling sure of herself, and because of that I was seen as a threat. Her misplaced jealously poked my bandaged place and I reacted by having hurt feelings and allowed myself to feel victimized. In retrospect as I write this I am rolling my eyes at myself. I knew better, but I still took the bait. Jealousy is a toxic weed and should be eradicated before it chokes the life out of everything in its path.
One of my dear friends suffers from a huge lack of self worth and needs to feel the positive attention of others to gauge that he is moving in the right direction. Admiration and attention from others make him feel whole. The trap in this of course is that you allow others to tell you who you are. When we are telling ourselves who we are through the eyes of another we tread in dangerous waters. When we don’t receive what we need from others we have a tendency to become jealous and resentful when we see others getting what we want. I have often thought jealousy and an inability to have intimacy in relationships are often linked. Learning to trust is usually the antidote for jealousy.
Usually when we avoid intimacy it isn’t because of a parent or partner not loving us, it’s because we fundamentally feel that we are unlovable. We get it in our head that intimacy is unsafe for our fragile heart. When we get into that mode it’s hard to see that in order to be loved that we must first love ourselves. Jealousy creates a wall that oddly enough prevents us from what we crave more than anything. It is a primal emotion. It makes us feel inadequate, it causes feelings of shame, and we obsess then about what others think about us. Not having the approval of others when you live your life based upon that can be emotionally devastating.
When we don’t like ourselves we find comfort in deflating, criticizing and putting others down to feel better about our current circumstances. It’s easy to sit behind the anonymity of a computer screen to blast complete strangers, or write off people as lunatics. I am guilty of this myself as I had to contain myself from posting about Pat Robertson comments saying the people of Haiti were victims of a curse caused by slaves having a pact with the devil in 1791. I am sure he is a nice person and has done many amazing things for people. I know he loves his family and his family loves him. I know he believes in what he says. I personally just can’t stop thinking he needs a formal education and a clue.
People will think what they want as they will regardless of what I think or you think. You can only control the human body that you were born into. Soften your heart when someone insults you is what I learned this week. It’s easier than unbuckling a four inch heel anyway. Remember you have to generate enough self love not to crave the attention of others. When you are hurt, try not to hurt another and if you have to flip someone off do it with a smile.
It’s not easy to be a spiritual warrior. I know this. A great reference book to read is “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. You might also enjoy the companion book with exercises to help you on your journey.
Friday, January 8, 2010
January 2010 Let Go and Let Love
Many times during readings people have a million questions about relationships, quite often people are stuck emotionally and have not a clue in the world about what to do next. It is easy when the heart is involved in any relationship to feel conflicted, confused and exhausted when trying to make a change.
We are creatures of habit and find solace in the concept of permanence. We generally don’t like change. We unfortunately live in a world where the one thing we can count on is impermanence. Impermanence means nothing ever stays the same. In my job people confess their heartache to me and are searching for the right answers. I do not have the ability to provide answers that is only something that can come from within. I may be able to show a path not thought of before or help someone see their inner beauty, but unfortunately the real work must come from the heart.
A common pattern I find in readings is that people in relationships often become friends over time but have no attraction to one another. One partner generally wishes the other partner would leave them or do something to screw up the relationship so that they don’t have the burden of hurting the other person or have the responsibility of letting their family down.
Sometimes our partners can be mentally unstable and threaten us with hurting themselves if we leave them. Guilt keeps us mired in place.
There is also a pattern that comes up when one partner is verbally, emotionally or physically abusive and because of low self esteem, financial dependency or absolute fear the other partner feels helpless to leave.
When we have been wounded previously we sometimes make the mistake of jumping into multiple relationships to numb the pain of our past. When we are hungry for love or affection it is easy to be drawn to people that are not healthy for us. They may provide instant feelings of happiness or emotional affection but over time those feelings vanish and we are stuck with an empty heart.
I have heard the pain of people who have been cheated on and the pain of the people that cheat. It’s sometimes easier to cheat with a person who is married, as that person meets your emotional and sexual needs and the adrenaline rush numbs any need for long term emotional intimacy. There are also people who suffer from sexual addictions and mistake sex for love.
There are relationships that need to be repaired from infidelity, addictions or gambling issues. People can put their relationships back together after being fractured and can find each others hands to hold once again. Nothing is impossible when the love between two people is strong enough.
Divorce is something nobody sets out to accomplish on their wedding day. Breakups are emotionally devastating, sometimes filled with bitterness and hatred. We lose track of our way on the path together and forget why we ever got together in the first place. Unfortunately all too often divorce provides the opportunity of emotionally sabotaging ourselves until we feel we have adequately beaten ourselves up.
I feel the anguish of clients when they lose their soul mate, their best friend and life partner. When people are widowed their sorrow is intense. Love is a multi faceted emotion. You can madly love someone who doesn’t love you. You can love someone indifferently when they are on earth, and when they die you realize they were so much more. Love can be painful, regretful and unhealthy. Love conversely can be amazing, gentle and whole. You can love all three of your ex’s in a healthy and positive memory and love your current partner completely. Love knows no boundaries.
We don’t choose who we love and if we did life would be easier indeed. Our heart finds a soul recognition with another human being and whether that be good or bad or heart takes over and we become different people. Love can bring us happiness and heartache. The duality of love has been written about for long as there have been clay tablets.
My friend Donna and Gladys one told me independently of one another that they admire my ability to love hard. Sometimes when I give readings to people I don’t know I love them unconditionally because I can feel how loved they are by spirits on the other side. This washes over into my personal life as well. Don’t get me wrong I am not Sister Mary Sunshine and my life isn’t always a bed of roses. I have been through heaven and hell in relationships. I have been a victim of domestic violence, have been hurt to the core of my being, been lied to, disrespected and put down.
Sometimes I hated myself for allowing that negativity into my life. I used to beat myself up because I was a strong woman who was smarter than that. I had a million excuses of why I was a victim and how that came to be. I ended up forgiving my abusers and then realized I was more abusive to myself than my partner ever could have been. At my lowest points I thought I was too ugly, too fat and too encumbered by life to ever find someone that would love me as much as I loved them.
When I finally took responsibility for all the good and bad in my life and refused to blame anyone for anything my life magically changed. When I learned to accept responsibility and let go of blame it opened the door for me to finally like who I was at that moment and I learned to love myself. It took me six years to see the process through. When we accept responsibility for our life we get back in the driver’s seat. Blame leaves you at the side of the road with a flat tire waiting for someone to rescue you.
My friend and mentor Joe Magno taught me the beauty of self love. He wrote a beautiful book about how the heart can heal through self love. Self love is sometimes an abstract thought in the West that gets confused with an inflated ego. When we love ourselves and are truly happy we will not harm another. When you can wake up liking yourself you can change your life and others lives for the better. When you love and like yourself you can truly and openly love another.
Self love allows you to give without expectation of return. You can be kind and compassionate to another who is struggling without having to fix them or solve their problems. When you Love yourself and love another you can be a compassionate observer to their pain and offer your hand when they need it. You no longer have to be intertwined in chaos because you know that they are on their own journey and that whatever that journey is you can remain healthy and whole.
Self love allows you to set boundaries, let go of outcomes and expectations and can truly allow you to live in the moment. Self love sets you free from past conceptions and misconceptions. It is so very important to do, and probably the hardest task you’ll ever have to endure. It is not easy and takes practice. Some days will be easier than others for sure.
I wrote a list to the universe on June 3, 2009 of what I wanted in a soul mate in great emotional, physical, and spiritual nature. I folded the paper in half and put it next to my computer and left it there. I had absolute faith in the universe that it would come to me, and three months later it magically happened. I ended up with the person that I custom ordered. I was pleasantly surprised and within two weeks I knew I was absolutely in love. I can’t explain how much my life has changed over the last four months but it has been sheer bliss. I just know that I wish there was a stronger word than love in the English language and that is what I would use.
I never, ever thought that I would find love again or that it would come to me in this lifetime anyway. I was wrong and I am so grateful that I was. I refused to turn inward when I was hurt. I opened my heart even when it was painful and still expected the best. I have given my heart openly to Chad and am so grateful he accepted it. I do not look at the past with upset or hatred. I know I would not be as a compassionate person or understanding as I am without the past. I am not angry with anyone I dated and don’t regret my past marriage and I wish all of them well. All of those experiences brought me to the great love of my life and I am so very grateful and happy.
One thing I am currently working on is allowing myself to receive love. After years of being independent, stubborn and set in my ways, it is difficult for me to allow someone to do kind things for me. Unfortunately in my case I feel awkward when allowing myself to receive. I am learning to let go and to let another help me and that is definately a new sensation. I am a work in progress, and in this case thank goodness for impermanence. Because I like and love myself I am able to love without conditions, there is no selfishness, jealously or worry. I know that I trust him 100% and feel absolutely at ease and safe. I am able to be perfectly comfortable with my best friend and partner. It is amazing and so wonderful. My fairy tale can be yours too.
If you feel lost, confused or hurt pray for yourself and ask for a miracle of insight. Ask your loved ones and God source for help every day. Ask that you receive wisdom to do the impossible or mend a broken road. Know that you are stronger than your greatest fear. You are not too old, too fat, too co-dependent, too poor, or stupid to change your life. Do your best to let go of outcomes and become your own best friend. Learn to live life with an open and raw heart. My hardest days were when I just sat and truly felt my pain. I felt it in the depths of my soul, and what I found was that pain was like a crying baby once given proper attention and respect it stopped crying. When we hold our pain with respect and attention it lessons. I learned the most delicious things about myself one time by dating someone who hurt me deeply. When I opened my heart to the hurt and healed it, I attracted my beautiful soul mate. I am doing the best I can day by day. I am so grateful for all the good and bad in my life and wouldn’t change a thing. I am open and will love hard until the day I die.
I wish when people were suffering I could say, “Okay, you need to do A,B, and C and this is what will happen.” That would be ideal, but then I guess it wouldn’t be living. You may want to seek the advice of a counselor, a therapist, a religious member or a medium, and I suggest doing all of the above, but when it comes down to it, it is something your soul and heart have to agree upon and you’ll have to make the decisions yourself. You may find comfort in writing a journal, spending time with friends, loading your IPod with verve or seeking a spiritual solution. I read books, too many of them I think. There isn’t any clear cut path for you to take other than agreeing to love yourself right now and knowing that love is there for you without a doubt.
Desert Storm
Lately it seems people have been asking me about my experience in Operation Desert Storm. I am a combat veteran of the first Gulf War and served in the 13th Evacuation Hospital from Madison, Wisconsin. We were assigned to serve under the authority of the 7th Corp. I joined the Wisconsin National Guard to pay for college and was sent to Operation Desert Storm three months before my 21st birthday.
It was a life changing experience. My heart goes out to our soldiers and the people of Iraq. I was asked if the war made me nutty. Well, I am nutty but the war didn’t do it. I didn’t agree the decision to invade Iraq for the second war. Nonetheless, we are in Iraq amidst a Civil War and are in a precarious situation. Our troops need our support regardless of whether we agree on the invasion of Iraq or not.
One of my dear friends has come back from the Gulf and has run into the same things I did when I came home. You don’t get other people or understand why they worry about what seems to be the most insignificant of things. I for one to this day don’t care to see any movies about war. I get weepy and emotional in movie theaters just looking at previews to Gulf war movies. When I got home to Fort McCoy, I was asleep in my cot. A thunder crack echoed in the skies and I thought it was a scud missile.
I saw young a young man who survived his friend being killed in friendly fire fight cry from the depth of his soul. I can still see one young man cry as he blamed himself for not being able to save his friend. One soldier lost parts of his extremities and couldn’t write, but when I wrote his mother for him he told me to tell her that I was pretty. It tugged at my heart so that when that boy lay in his cot in pain, he wasn’t thinking of himself, he was thinking of how to make me feel good. These things never leave you.
I remember Iraqi soldiers wanting their pictures taken with me because I had blond hair. I can’t forget the generosity of the Bedouin people in the middle of the desert. They strived to connect with us in smiles and food.
The Iraqi’s suffer too. They have suffered greatly. We cannot forget their pain either. The war isn’t something that can be resolved easily. We have a huge wound that now infects our combined humanity. Our foreign policy is a mess. Countries across the world have lost their faith in us. We as a nation have lost our faith in our leaders. It doesn’t matter what side of the political fence you sit on. War affects all of us regardless of partisan politics.
One in four Desert Storm veterans are now seriously ill. I know we ingested expired pyrostigmine bromide tablets, wore faulty gas masks, and were under scud missile attacks. The chemical alarms in Riyadh went off repeatedly when we were in Khobar Towers. We suffer from Gulf War Illness that gets dismissed as psychosomatic illness. The VA and our government, our elected leaders deny all causes of this ‘alleged’ illness.
I am missing skin pigment in my skin. I have a blotch on my neck that drives me bonkers, two spots on my chin, my arms, and wrist. I am lucky I just lost skin pigment and have a fair completion. I don’t suffer, I just feel unattractive at times. That’s really egotistical in comparison to losing a leg, your brain or your life. When you come home from war a different person, your family suffers along side you. My Vietnam Veteran friends can attest to this.
We cannot abandon our next set of veterans. We now have a need for federal funding for head injuries and closed head trauma for returning veterans. Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and psychological support needs to be offered by veterans for veterans as well. When I returned home from war, nothing was ever said about our ability to cope upon arriving home.
The best part of the war experience had to be the amazing homecomings by the American people. It makes me tearful even now. Please support our soldiers. Please support the Iraqi people. This situation is near and dear to my heart and I hope it becomes a campaign issue for our professional politicians. We have learned the harm we can cause as a people to what we can do to make the suffering worse of a soldier. I hope to God we have learned from Vietnam. Regardless of what happens in Iraq, we need to support our troops. Please help me in getting support for our soldiers and their families, now and in ten and twenty years down the road.
It was a life changing experience. My heart goes out to our soldiers and the people of Iraq. I was asked if the war made me nutty. Well, I am nutty but the war didn’t do it. I didn’t agree the decision to invade Iraq for the second war. Nonetheless, we are in Iraq amidst a Civil War and are in a precarious situation. Our troops need our support regardless of whether we agree on the invasion of Iraq or not.
One of my dear friends has come back from the Gulf and has run into the same things I did when I came home. You don’t get other people or understand why they worry about what seems to be the most insignificant of things. I for one to this day don’t care to see any movies about war. I get weepy and emotional in movie theaters just looking at previews to Gulf war movies. When I got home to Fort McCoy, I was asleep in my cot. A thunder crack echoed in the skies and I thought it was a scud missile.
I saw young a young man who survived his friend being killed in friendly fire fight cry from the depth of his soul. I can still see one young man cry as he blamed himself for not being able to save his friend. One soldier lost parts of his extremities and couldn’t write, but when I wrote his mother for him he told me to tell her that I was pretty. It tugged at my heart so that when that boy lay in his cot in pain, he wasn’t thinking of himself, he was thinking of how to make me feel good. These things never leave you.
I remember Iraqi soldiers wanting their pictures taken with me because I had blond hair. I can’t forget the generosity of the Bedouin people in the middle of the desert. They strived to connect with us in smiles and food.
The Iraqi’s suffer too. They have suffered greatly. We cannot forget their pain either. The war isn’t something that can be resolved easily. We have a huge wound that now infects our combined humanity. Our foreign policy is a mess. Countries across the world have lost their faith in us. We as a nation have lost our faith in our leaders. It doesn’t matter what side of the political fence you sit on. War affects all of us regardless of partisan politics.
One in four Desert Storm veterans are now seriously ill. I know we ingested expired pyrostigmine bromide tablets, wore faulty gas masks, and were under scud missile attacks. The chemical alarms in Riyadh went off repeatedly when we were in Khobar Towers. We suffer from Gulf War Illness that gets dismissed as psychosomatic illness. The VA and our government, our elected leaders deny all causes of this ‘alleged’ illness.
I am missing skin pigment in my skin. I have a blotch on my neck that drives me bonkers, two spots on my chin, my arms, and wrist. I am lucky I just lost skin pigment and have a fair completion. I don’t suffer, I just feel unattractive at times. That’s really egotistical in comparison to losing a leg, your brain or your life. When you come home from war a different person, your family suffers along side you. My Vietnam Veteran friends can attest to this.
We cannot abandon our next set of veterans. We now have a need for federal funding for head injuries and closed head trauma for returning veterans. Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and psychological support needs to be offered by veterans for veterans as well. When I returned home from war, nothing was ever said about our ability to cope upon arriving home.
The best part of the war experience had to be the amazing homecomings by the American people. It makes me tearful even now. Please support our soldiers. Please support the Iraqi people. This situation is near and dear to my heart and I hope it becomes a campaign issue for our professional politicians. We have learned the harm we can cause as a people to what we can do to make the suffering worse of a soldier. I hope to God we have learned from Vietnam. Regardless of what happens in Iraq, we need to support our troops. Please help me in getting support for our soldiers and their families, now and in ten and twenty years down the road.
Amazing Day 2005
I have to share with you all one of the most amazing days of my life. That day would be today. Please be patient and just read through my ramblings. Let me back up two weeks. Two weeks ago, I was staying with my Aunt Lisa, and I bought the movie “What the Bleep do we Know.”
There was a part in the movie that showed the Japanese scientists Masaru Emoto’s work with water. He says that his studies with water are his proof that thoughts and feelings affect our physical reality. He focused different emotions on the water samples through written, spoken words and music. He had a monk bless one sample, the word love put on another sample and the thought, “I hate you and I am going to kill you,” on another. He presented those feelings to the same water samples. The water appears to "change its expression," and is evident in the photographs of the water molecules.
The premise is that if our bodies are 70% water and we can change water samples with our emotions, what do we do to our bodies with our negative emotions then? I told My Aunt that I was going to start telling myself every morning that I was beautiful and I loved myself unconditionally for one month. I am now doing this each morning and consciously blessing one glass of water that I drink each day with love.
I got home today at 3:00 p.m. from paying my property taxes and just happened to see my neighbor. He asked me if I wanted some tomatoes, so I followed him into his side yard. His wife came out and we started to chat about the long walks I take each day. I told them about this spot of property on the road that is more beautiful than any land I have ever seen. I wrote a poem about it just last week and took pictures of it. My neighbor told me that her friend who she had not seen in years lived there. She told me she had seen her a month ago and told me her son had died in a terrible accident. She said that her friend was not doing well. I said “Well if I ever see her I’ll stop and talk to her.” My neighbor agreed with me.
I decided to go for my daily walk and set off with my new fake pink fingernails down the familiar path. I came to my favorite part in the road where a creek runs under it. It is the amazing property with willow trees and a lovely house. It is the house where my neighbor’s friend lives. I silently said to the woman’s son who died “If you ever want me to speak to your mother, just let her be out in front and I’ll talk to her for you.” I kept on walking a good two more miles and then turned around to go home.
As I passed the front of the house on my way back, I smiled and touched the willow branches. I got to the creek and there was a beautiful woman standing at the fence with pliers and metal wire. I took off my headset and waved. She waved back and said “My neighbors cows just broke through the fence, have you seen any cows?” I shook my head and told her that I would help her find the cows. She told me she had just gotten home from work and was trying to fix the fence. I asked her if she owned the property and she said “Yes.”
I instantly started to smile and couldn’t contain my happiness. She has an amazing teepee on her back property. She asked if I would like to see it. I agreed and we walked to the teepee. I couldn’t hold myself any longer. I blurted out that I was a medium and that I had just spoken to my neighbor and told her I knew about her son. I told her that I had just told him if he had wanted to speak to me to just have her out in front. I loved her unconditionally at that moment and was so honored to give her messages from her son. We held hands and it felt like I had known her all my life. She is such a lovely spirit as is her son. I have never felt so right in the world. It was a God wink from the universe for sure.
The reason I am writing to you is to ask all of you to open yourselves up to the millions of miracles that occur each moment if we are just open to it. Obviously, her son was working overtime. When you open yourself up to love yourself you receive so much personal and emotional abundance that it’s hard to keep your feet on the ground.
I feel truly blessed to have all of you in my life and I feel honored to be alive. I hope that all of you can learn to open yourselves up to this bliss, it’s free and starts with just one glass of water.
There was a part in the movie that showed the Japanese scientists Masaru Emoto’s work with water. He says that his studies with water are his proof that thoughts and feelings affect our physical reality. He focused different emotions on the water samples through written, spoken words and music. He had a monk bless one sample, the word love put on another sample and the thought, “I hate you and I am going to kill you,” on another. He presented those feelings to the same water samples. The water appears to "change its expression," and is evident in the photographs of the water molecules.
The premise is that if our bodies are 70% water and we can change water samples with our emotions, what do we do to our bodies with our negative emotions then? I told My Aunt that I was going to start telling myself every morning that I was beautiful and I loved myself unconditionally for one month. I am now doing this each morning and consciously blessing one glass of water that I drink each day with love.
I got home today at 3:00 p.m. from paying my property taxes and just happened to see my neighbor. He asked me if I wanted some tomatoes, so I followed him into his side yard. His wife came out and we started to chat about the long walks I take each day. I told them about this spot of property on the road that is more beautiful than any land I have ever seen. I wrote a poem about it just last week and took pictures of it. My neighbor told me that her friend who she had not seen in years lived there. She told me she had seen her a month ago and told me her son had died in a terrible accident. She said that her friend was not doing well. I said “Well if I ever see her I’ll stop and talk to her.” My neighbor agreed with me.
I decided to go for my daily walk and set off with my new fake pink fingernails down the familiar path. I came to my favorite part in the road where a creek runs under it. It is the amazing property with willow trees and a lovely house. It is the house where my neighbor’s friend lives. I silently said to the woman’s son who died “If you ever want me to speak to your mother, just let her be out in front and I’ll talk to her for you.” I kept on walking a good two more miles and then turned around to go home.
As I passed the front of the house on my way back, I smiled and touched the willow branches. I got to the creek and there was a beautiful woman standing at the fence with pliers and metal wire. I took off my headset and waved. She waved back and said “My neighbors cows just broke through the fence, have you seen any cows?” I shook my head and told her that I would help her find the cows. She told me she had just gotten home from work and was trying to fix the fence. I asked her if she owned the property and she said “Yes.”
I instantly started to smile and couldn’t contain my happiness. She has an amazing teepee on her back property. She asked if I would like to see it. I agreed and we walked to the teepee. I couldn’t hold myself any longer. I blurted out that I was a medium and that I had just spoken to my neighbor and told her I knew about her son. I told her that I had just told him if he had wanted to speak to me to just have her out in front. I loved her unconditionally at that moment and was so honored to give her messages from her son. We held hands and it felt like I had known her all my life. She is such a lovely spirit as is her son. I have never felt so right in the world. It was a God wink from the universe for sure.
The reason I am writing to you is to ask all of you to open yourselves up to the millions of miracles that occur each moment if we are just open to it. Obviously, her son was working overtime. When you open yourself up to love yourself you receive so much personal and emotional abundance that it’s hard to keep your feet on the ground.
I feel truly blessed to have all of you in my life and I feel honored to be alive. I hope that all of you can learn to open yourselves up to this bliss, it’s free and starts with just one glass of water.
Loving Kindness 2006
I am taking an online course in the practice of Loving Kindness. In a nutshell the practice of Loving Kindness reminds us that the most important thing in life is to tame our mind, because happiness and suffering depend entirely on ones mind. When we understand that our happiness and suffering is connected with the happiness and suffering of others, then the importance of working on our thoughts becomes essential.
Understanding that we as humans are interconnected to every human on the face of the earth is a big step. It is much like the ripple effect in that what I do now affects my sister, which affects her husband, which affects his secretary and so on. To take responsibility for not hurting others and to do no harm is a process that starts with your self. We cannot avoid harming others while we continue to harm ourselves. For example the Buddha once said, "You can search the whole world for someone more worthy of your love than yourself, and you will not find anyone...Whoever loves himself will never harm another."
If we screw up in taking care of and loving ourselves personally and then are asked to help others, that lack of attention to ourselves causes us to harm others and ourselves. Sacrificing yourself to help another is not necessarily a good thing. You cannot give away what you dont have. When you sacrifice yourself to help another, you leave a void. We try to reward ourselves for our sacrifice to fill the void. We can stuff that void with food, alcohol, drugs, or emotions. You have to love yourself and respect yourself first before you can love and respect another. So before you can help another you must help yourself first.
If self-esteem seems to be getting in the way of forgiving yourself, you might want to remember a time when you did something kind or selfless for someone else. When you remember a time where you acted on your God spark it can help you remember your goodness.People sometimes feel that their father and mother did not love them.
The trouble with us is that we live in the past, and waste too much of the present thinking about past suffering. Many of us have suffered, and truly not have had a happy childhood, but that doesn't mean that we should let it mess up the rest of our lives. If your parents did not love you, perhaps it wasnt their fault; maybe they didnt know how to love you, because their parents didnt know how to love them.You shouldnt ever think that your parents didnt love you. They might have loved you the best they knew how and have gone through horrible pain because they didnt know how to share their love to you. Once you can accept this as a possibility, you can develop feelings of love and compassion for your parents.
This does not mean you have to like or condone their actions. Even if your parents didnt love you, that shouldnt make you feel bad, because the love, wisdom and compassion of your god source and universe is infinite, and the love of the universe include all of us in their love, without exception. Simply by invoking the Christ, God, Buddhas, Creator, or Goddess our hearts are filled with love, and we can then share that love with our parents, and heal the relationship that hurt us.
I have included an example of a loving kindness prayer at the end of the blog.This week we had to focus on loving a difficult person and send them loving kindness. During mediations I am good at understanding that I am no different from the person I have feelings of dislike. I can feel that we are indeed part of the whole. I can see suffering in all people, and have no problem with hatred or dislike.
My problem is in the real time interactions when I am upset. When my ex-husband and I argue I get so upset and hurt, and then I lash out verbally. When I do the mediation I can love him or anyone else for that matter with all my heart. I am doing my best to integrate the meditations in my real time life. I focused on my ex-husband this month. Over the last month my ex-husband and I have gotten along better than we ever have, even when we were married. I have realized through this practice that my own preconceived expectations of others have caused me the most pain.
I think that as humans we naturally assume others come from the same vantage point as we do. It is difficult to remember that the only person who feels and thinks the way I do is I. I find it easier to move forward to forgive and not feel resentment when I remember the other person I am troubled with is as hurt or as upset as I am. I have also found such joy in not having to be right or play a victim to my emotions or someone elses emotions.
I used to take other peoples words personally and found I was wounded easily. For the first time in my life it is becoming so much easier not to react to something I perceive as hurtful. I have found myself expressing my feelings with others and myself for the first time honestly. This is a colossal step for me.
I have to laugh when I found that the person I needed to send loving kindness to the most was myself, I guess I am the most difficult person I know. For me to really feel dislike of someone, I have to visualize a pedophile. This is truly difficult for me. I realize that the person harms another because they too suffer, but I must admit it is terribly difficult to send loving kindness to the person. I suppose they are in need more so than anyone is, but nonetheless it is extremely difficult. It is hard for me to see this from a different angle. I am working on it. Ill let you know if I ever get there.
Here is an example of a loving kindness prayer:
Understanding that we as humans are interconnected to every human on the face of the earth is a big step. It is much like the ripple effect in that what I do now affects my sister, which affects her husband, which affects his secretary and so on. To take responsibility for not hurting others and to do no harm is a process that starts with your self. We cannot avoid harming others while we continue to harm ourselves. For example the Buddha once said, "You can search the whole world for someone more worthy of your love than yourself, and you will not find anyone...Whoever loves himself will never harm another."
If we screw up in taking care of and loving ourselves personally and then are asked to help others, that lack of attention to ourselves causes us to harm others and ourselves. Sacrificing yourself to help another is not necessarily a good thing. You cannot give away what you dont have. When you sacrifice yourself to help another, you leave a void. We try to reward ourselves for our sacrifice to fill the void. We can stuff that void with food, alcohol, drugs, or emotions. You have to love yourself and respect yourself first before you can love and respect another. So before you can help another you must help yourself first.
If self-esteem seems to be getting in the way of forgiving yourself, you might want to remember a time when you did something kind or selfless for someone else. When you remember a time where you acted on your God spark it can help you remember your goodness.People sometimes feel that their father and mother did not love them.
The trouble with us is that we live in the past, and waste too much of the present thinking about past suffering. Many of us have suffered, and truly not have had a happy childhood, but that doesn't mean that we should let it mess up the rest of our lives. If your parents did not love you, perhaps it wasnt their fault; maybe they didnt know how to love you, because their parents didnt know how to love them.You shouldnt ever think that your parents didnt love you. They might have loved you the best they knew how and have gone through horrible pain because they didnt know how to share their love to you. Once you can accept this as a possibility, you can develop feelings of love and compassion for your parents.
This does not mean you have to like or condone their actions. Even if your parents didnt love you, that shouldnt make you feel bad, because the love, wisdom and compassion of your god source and universe is infinite, and the love of the universe include all of us in their love, without exception. Simply by invoking the Christ, God, Buddhas, Creator, or Goddess our hearts are filled with love, and we can then share that love with our parents, and heal the relationship that hurt us.
I have included an example of a loving kindness prayer at the end of the blog.This week we had to focus on loving a difficult person and send them loving kindness. During mediations I am good at understanding that I am no different from the person I have feelings of dislike. I can feel that we are indeed part of the whole. I can see suffering in all people, and have no problem with hatred or dislike.
My problem is in the real time interactions when I am upset. When my ex-husband and I argue I get so upset and hurt, and then I lash out verbally. When I do the mediation I can love him or anyone else for that matter with all my heart. I am doing my best to integrate the meditations in my real time life. I focused on my ex-husband this month. Over the last month my ex-husband and I have gotten along better than we ever have, even when we were married. I have realized through this practice that my own preconceived expectations of others have caused me the most pain.
I think that as humans we naturally assume others come from the same vantage point as we do. It is difficult to remember that the only person who feels and thinks the way I do is I. I find it easier to move forward to forgive and not feel resentment when I remember the other person I am troubled with is as hurt or as upset as I am. I have also found such joy in not having to be right or play a victim to my emotions or someone elses emotions.
I used to take other peoples words personally and found I was wounded easily. For the first time in my life it is becoming so much easier not to react to something I perceive as hurtful. I have found myself expressing my feelings with others and myself for the first time honestly. This is a colossal step for me.
I have to laugh when I found that the person I needed to send loving kindness to the most was myself, I guess I am the most difficult person I know. For me to really feel dislike of someone, I have to visualize a pedophile. This is truly difficult for me. I realize that the person harms another because they too suffer, but I must admit it is terribly difficult to send loving kindness to the person. I suppose they are in need more so than anyone is, but nonetheless it is extremely difficult. It is hard for me to see this from a different angle. I am working on it. Ill let you know if I ever get there.
Here is an example of a loving kindness prayer:
I love myself.
May I be free from anger.
May I be free from sadness.
May I be free from pain.
May I be free from difficulties.
May I be free from all suffering.
May I be healthy.
May my body be healthy and strong.
May I be filled with loving-kindness.
May I be happy.
May I be really happy.
May I be at peace.
I send love now to all the people I don't know everywhere on this earth.
May all beings on the planet be free from suffering.
May they be free from pain, grief, and despair.
May they be happy, truly happy.
May they be at peace.
May all beings in the universe be free from suffering.
May all beings in all universes, everywhere, be free from suffering.
May they be well and happy.
May they be at peace.
May all beings of all kinds, in all directions be happy and at peace.
Above and below, near and far, high and low.
All types of beings. Human and non-humans.
Seen and unseen.
All the animals and birds, and fishes.
All beings and creatures, with no exceptions.
May they all be happy.
May they be free.
I open my heart and accept loving-kindness of every being and creature in return.
I let that love into my heart.
And I share the benefits of this meditation with every one.
May all beings be well and happy.
May all beings be well and happy.
May all beings be well and happy.
May there be peace.
May there be peace.
May there be peace.
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